Trapped precisions

Yeah, these up & downs suck….but I bounce back quick..resilient…I’m impatient, I want to accomplish it all now..I have the knowledge, understanding and “reason’ of why i need to to what I want to embark on…but my priorities of of being a full time student and mom are interfering…Family comes first, hard to deal with, when you want to actually take all this information thats scattered and learn how to use it to help in a way that’s civil and effective. and the shame of not fully applying it when right now, it’s my son, a human life that needs me..is in complete contradiction of what it’s all about.. fucked up and real, and honest…there you have it, when the mirrors are broken, and you let nothing slide by in the reflection of self..well it goes from .22 shorts to deringers, to 12 guages and then bakooka’s..(metaphoric..of course). My son’s needs are taken care of…spoiled, but i’m in school all week, not enough quality time with the chaotic schedule, and i dont let that be used as an excuse…plain and simple, my son comes first..a fuckin human life…and I rather be studying so I can accomplish and make something of myself as I actually feel ashamed of being a women sometimes cuz stay at home mom livin off the system isn’t my thing, and it sure as hell ain’t respected no matter what people try to say….it’s the truth. wtf? My mess and I’m torn cuz I see right through and don’t even have the option of “logically reasoning” with delusions anymore…3 more months of school and then i’m taking a break till september to prioritize….and it’s really not what I wanna do, but it’s gonna get done…doesn’t make me a fuckin betty crocker saint when my hearts not in the right space about it…yeah how many people do you know who can nail this kind of introspectrum with nauseating precision and publicaly put it on display? Exactly, not as many as you think.

Thanx

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